I attended a small, interactive session at a conference this summer, and giggled a little bit when someone nudged me and pointed to their computer screen - another poor soul in the room was twittering about how the speaker, who was, ironically, speaking on the art of good public speaking skills, needed to be told a thing or two about inappropriate eye contact. It's true - he lumbered around the room slowly, trolling for victims, and stopping directly in front of some poor onlooker who happened to shift their eyes upward at the exact wrong moment, when he would catch them and hold them in a death stare as he spoke directly to them for at least 20 seconds. I was one such victim, to my recollection, a couple of times during the talk. Engaging your audience just gets creepy when you seem to be trying your hardest to pretend, however briefly, that you and a single attendee are the only people left in the universe, and that communicating directly to them the next five bullet points of your powerpoint just might save you from certain destruction. It was that intense.
Looking someone directly in the eye is an act of intimacy that just feels mortifyingly inappropriate at certain times. Every once in awhile in a gym class, we'll be doing something terribly embarrassing, like laying on our backs with our legs spread apart, or plowing over so that our feet come over our head and touch the floor behind us. In these moments, the last thing you want to do is look someone in the eye. It's just not the time. Yet, it happens. There you are, facing me, with your legs flailed up and spread-eagled, raising your chin in a crunch, whincing and grunting, and we're just not paying attention to where our eyes are falling. We look away as quickly as we can. Let's pretend it didn't happen, okay? We'll be casually friendly after class and forget the whole incident. We were both vulnerable, and it was a mistake. Don't read into it. Just keep crunching, and make a mental note to always, always keep your eyes on the ceiling in compromising positions.
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What a coincidence, my next post will be on public speaking as well.
ReplyDeleteHere's the thing about eye contact: When you're engaged in conversation and you think about eye contact, it gets very uncomfortable. You feel like you're staring someone down. It's like thinking about breathing -- it suddenly feels unnatural.